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我以为

在一个新的环境,我从一个没有真正离开过家的心态,抱着一份哭泣与不舍踏上飞机的那刻,我知道,那是我多年来的梦想,一个离开自己那么熟悉的土地于文化。我向往的自由因为某些的承诺而捆绑自己。在哪可我是一只囚禁的小鸟,不敢飞得太远,心里只惦记着如何在最短的时间回到这片土地。

当承诺无形的捆绑被我解开后,像是一直努力追寻自由的,努力飞向天空的怀抱,即使我知道这是一片孤单与寂寞的天空。翱翔所谓的自由,我开始和误解或者说不确定所谓的自由。去尝试没有做过的事情,尝试在外溜达,尝试在音乐与酒精的作祟下让身体摇摆,尝试一个人在那看似悠闲地街道穿插在所有古文明的建筑物,尝试跟随地图的痕迹为自己伏笔下一站。

知道的,清楚的,这一切将会是人生中最狂野的一次,最不削的一次。不削青春那样挥霍,不削时间与体力的消耗。自由,开始因为自己的放纵,变得像是堕落。酒醉三分醒,只有那刻,心里压抑的感受,那份撕裂的痛,是我否认它的存在。像是破碎的水晶,勉强的透明胶纸把它粘好,然后假装他从来没有破碎过,那不过是遗憾美的艺术。

你以为,每个人都要对谁去负责任,像是有义务去为你执行某些,只是你忘了,你的身份,你的地位。高估每个人会有着你的想法,高估每个人都能去接受同样的事情;即使上帝在造人的时候,都把人分成男生跟女生;那么还有什么会是一致的呢?

别再用‘我以为’这套逻辑把事情看的合理化,只是忘记了每个人有自己的想法,只有在离开爱自己的家人,朋友后才发现世界之大,拥有存在不爱你的人。用自己的方式与这些不爱自己的人相处,让自己的日子过得好一些。就像爱人一样,接受好的也接受坏的。

当然,也有萍水相逢的朋友,看似真的没有什么交叉点,但是却在某个点上与你特别的靠近,近得,连你心里的最后一区他都能进去参观参观,只是参观不是停留。那一刻不管他是好人还是坏人,他在对的时间点,有了这么一个机会去听你的故事,可能会听了就走,可能会因此改变他对你的了解,也许会延伸往后的交往。我以为在对的时间,对的地点,做对的事与一个对的人那么是多么完美的事情。只是从来,计划不过是计划,以为也不过是以为,如果都在所有的对点赶上,我想,没有受伤,没有难过的存在。更不能体会幸福与快乐的,满足与自足的滋味了。

我以为。

Comments

Unknown said…
哇...你的话语果然是A的~ 没想到你的心情和我一模一样~想法也一样...我喜欢其中的两段(第2段和第3段)- “当承诺无形的捆绑被我解开后,像是一直努力追寻自由的,努力飞向天空的怀抱,即使我知道这是一片孤单与寂寞的天空。翱翔所谓的自由,我开始和误解或者说不确定所谓的自由。去尝试没有做过的事情,尝试在外溜达,尝试在音乐与酒精的作祟下让身体摇摆,尝试一个人在那看似悠闲地街道穿插在所有古文明的建筑物,尝试跟随地图的痕迹为自己伏笔下一站。

知道的,清楚的,这一切将会是人生中最狂野的一次,最不削的一次。不削青春那样挥霍,不削时间与体力的消耗。自由,开始因为自己的放纵,变得像是堕落。酒醉三分醒,只有那刻,心里压抑的感受,那份撕裂的痛,是我否认它的存在。像是破碎的水晶,勉强的透明胶纸把它粘好,然后假装他从来没有破碎过,那不过是遗憾美的艺术。”

这也是为什么我下定决心离开伤心地,而还慢慢爱上酒精...麻醉自己,却还假装无所谓...说穿了只不过是在逃避...“我以为”...我也以为...

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